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8000 miles apart

yesterday kinda reminds me of high school and before that. how i was emotionally unstable over the littlest things. and whenever i need, there was a “support system” available for me.

now the problems back then were mostly related to studying, extra-curricular activities, family problems and romantic relationships. for a teenager, that was already too much. i needed friends, and i had them. all kinds of friends in the world, who helped me through the days. i can’t repay them enough, ever.

being a 19-year-old in a foreign land is hard for a socially awkward person. you might think i’m extroverted, or that i can make acquaintances easily. but that’s that, that’s what they are – acquaintances. finding friends who would actually be there is the hardest thing, when you’re in a country whose language you don’t speak. your definition of a “friend” requires too much, that hardly anyone can fulfill. it’s complicated to stumble upon that connection, that bonding you once had back home.

and your friends, those who love you and you love, are far away. “out of sight, out of mind”, no one is to blame. they are all grown up, and have their own lives. and you were reluctant to reach out for help. but sometimes, you do need help. help from people who would understand or at least would listen to what you have to say. just the presence of a friend would already make you feel brighter. to hear their voice, to see their face. to know that they’re there.

so i took a leap of faith and texted all my friends, like i always did before.

these are the ones who remind me how it is to be loved. these are the ones who love me when i cannot love myself. my only wish for this moment is to rejoin them, to be in their presence. too bad that is not happening yet.

i am not saying that i will never find good friends again. in fact i think i will, because that’s how life works. it’s just a bump in the road, and right now i can’t help but really just miss my friends.



life's a complicated shitshow

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